Feels like deja vu ...

the picture was taken form my bedside view, through the window

"You light a lamp for me.

The LORD, my God, lights up my darkness."

                                    Psalm 18:28 NLT

The other night as I was in bed at our kids place (we were spending the weekend with our two oldest grandkids) all of a sudden it seemed like a light lit up the room.  I looked, and took a picture through the window of the light of the moon.  The clouds were moving past it, and sometimes it was shining so brightly into the room.  

It was a beautiful reminder of the LORD's provision for us, to shine light as we need it.  HE IS LIGHT and also shines light upon our path.   There is no darkness when we are with the LORD.

Sometimes we go through life feeling like we have walked a certain moment before - you know a deja vu moment? 

Well, it seems I have walked a similar October before.  It was in 2009.  I finished pastoring mid September, working my last event, and then coming in, and closing my office, leaving my church key behind.  Today I was reading over the blog posts about the story of ministry, and in October 2009, we put our house up for sale.  There is more to the post about that, but somehow it just feels as if we have been here before - and we have.  

In October of 2009, we had put our house up for sale in Anola. Here is what I wrote on a blog post from the ministry blog: 

October 1st we put our home/land in Anola, Manitoba, up for sale.  We were thinking that perhaps we were already getting into a bad time of year for home sales, but we are trusting God on it all.

At the same time, October 9th to the 16th, I flew to Colorado Springs, Colorado to take a week of intensive teaching/interaction under the direction of Dr. Larry Crabb (New Way Ministries).  ...

However when I returned home, and found out that our house had not been shown yet ~ I felt somewhat discouraged.  It just seemed that we were hearing God on what we needed to do, and now we were ready to sell ~ ready to move ~ and no one was interested.  I will be honest, I struggled with the “non-sale” of our home.  I walked, and walked… I talked with the Lord, I wept, I prayed some more...

Right around this time, my daughter-in-law Leah said to me ~ that it seemed that God moved, and we followed.  Then he moved some more, and we followed some more.  And then God told us to jump, and we did, and now it seemed like we were in this big long free-fall.  That is really how I feel ~ but that being said, I know that I am not going to hit the ground and be splattered all over the ground.  I know that God has his hands on us ... and while we do not understand his time line ~ we know that HE DOES have a timeline ... 

So here we are, October 2025 - 16 years later.  How time flies!  And we are once again finished with something (once again it is ministry related.  In Sept 2009 I finished the official pastoral role, and in Sept 2025 I followed God on his directions, and finished up ministry with The Well.   Is the timing too similar?  Seems like that hey?  

We have no clue about the timing.  But we do have a clue about following God on the directions he has given to us.  We are sure about that.  

On the eve of 2025 as our family met and talked, we knew God was saying we were done.  9 months later, we are finished, but we still have the house for sale.  Only God knows who will buy it, and he also knows the timing of it.  (If it was up to me, I would say, seems the timing should be now, but only God knows) 9 months ... we are in this "thresh-hold" between what was and what will be.  We are already to give birth to what's ahead.

We are not in a panic.  We own the home and can stay without any issue!  It just is too big for us AND we knew ahead of building that at such time as we were done, we would not need this big house.

I think the words that Leah said in 2009 still apply to today.  I really love reading back to those times, and seeing God in our lives THEN and again NOW.  Our God is a God of adventure when we are willing to follow.  

So - where are things at?  I know that some of you are wondering AND you ask.  Others wonder and do not ask.  I will just say this:  Our house has been shown quite a few times.  Some have been interested in retreat ministry, but the timing has not been right.  Some have prayed about possibilities.  

At this time we have no house in mind.  Sometimes I look at the listings just to see what is out there.  We also believe that at such a time as our house sells - then God will provide the next place.  Today Alvin said, "we are going to be a bit more choosy on what we pick, and not buying something that we will do this or that to and try to have it suit us.  

Let's face it, we are 67 and we want this to be the last home that we purchase and we want a place God provides for us at that time.

BUT RIGHT NOW ... we continue to rest in the promise that God is with us, and for us and He is sovereign.  We trust that.  Today and yesterday I have struggled with a bit of anxiety, but it has passed. And tomorrow is a new day.  God you know the buyer of our house.  You know the house we will purchase.  You know all about our next steps even if we don't.  Help me to keep my hands up, and open and my heart soft for you, and ears to hear.  AND help me to keep our motto front and foremost even when we  I am anxious.   "Surrender all and Trust God Fully"

Have I told you lately , just how much I love you LORD?

Because I sure do!

with love (and hope that this post made sense)

J - 

Coffee Shop Thoughts

It’s been a while since I have sat to gather my thoughts

And here I am, hearing the sound of grinding beans, people talking, and dishes clinking

It is here that I reach into the depths of my soul, to pull out the things that are swirling around my thoughts

Much like the spinning wifi signal

It has been a while since I have had the time to sit

With no one to talk to

Surrounded by people yet in my own little world

Sipping a good cup of coffee with cream

Killing time before an appointment

In an area of town that may be referred to as “granola”

And I love it.

I feel at home.

I feel…. Like I belong

Strange

It has been a while since I have dipped into the reservoir  and pulled out memories from the last three weeks

Journal has been untouched

No pen strokes

No memories written

Until now.

How do I take so much and try to distill it to words on a page

Somehow the task seems so simple yet so complex

Which thought takes precedence

Which thoughts should not be written

Which thoughts need to be seen, heard and maybe even discerned

It is hear I sit

Sipping that good cup of coffee

And almost afraid to begin the task of going in and down

In case I find something that does not make sense

Or something that has been tucked away for even longer than the three weeks of no journalling

I've been talking to my Father today

Not my earthly one, since he is in heaven

But the ONE who knew me as I was conceived in my mother's womb

That is the one I have been talking to

But I am keenly aware, my body keeps track of missing my earthly dad

This time of year I miss him so much.

As the geese fly I think of my dad 

As the leaves fall, there is a melancholy that seems to wash over me

It has been almost 28 years since we laid his body to rest

And said, "Till heaven Dad ...  I love you"

The sun is shining on this beautiful end of September day

Oh how I wish we have more of this weather

Where I can continue to go outside with bare arms and bare feet

Even though we are technically into fall as per the calendar

It feels like these are the last weeks of summer

Until summer gives its last hurrah and falls into the arms of winter.

I love this time of year with its honking geese and changing leaves

We get into the convertible and ride, pink cap holding my hair into place so it doesn’t get messy

We ride and taking in the beauty of this season

Watching the pelicans in their beautiful gliding in the sunshine

At times they seem like silver wings

They will fly longer and then just like that disappear to the north

Until the spring winds bring them back home to their mating grounds of Lockport

I love watching them seemingly carefree in their flight

I love the smell of burning stubble or campfires

It takes me back to the fall I went into grade 4 when we lived in our cottage and drove to Beausejour for school every day

The cottage ... frosty floors when my feet hit them in the morning

And the outhouse and running over to my aunts for a bath!

This time of year is full of beauty that can change to the dreary greyness in what feels like mere moments

When the wind comes in and blows the leaves in every direction

Eventually all falling to the ground piling onto of each other in a leaf lasagna 

And begin to decompose and bring the earthy scent to my nostrils

And right about then, comes the crisp winds of late fall melding into the early beginning of winter

I do not look forward to that bleak greyness

And yet I know that as quick as it will come, 

We will hunker down with our down quilts, wool mittens and puffy jackets

Knowing that even winter brings some blessing to it

A type of stillness covers us

Nature sleeps

And our life falls into a slower pace it seems

(except for hockey lol)

If we are open and willing to receive all that the seasons have to offer.

So I sit here - knowing that today is a gift for me

And that no matter what the wind blows in, 

The arms of the Father are here for me

To protect in the strong winds

To pick up if I am blown down

To shelter me from anything that comes my way

To hold me in the strong embrace of LOVE

So I will begin to unpack those deeply tucked away thoughts

To go in and down into the depth of my soul

Because that is where the transforming growth has happened

But it seems I have been too busy to process it until now ...

So ~

As the beans are being ground, 

Dishes are clinking

Music playing and people are talking

I stop with a heart full of gratitude

For my life

For the ONE - Jesus,  who loves me with an everlasting love

For the gift of my husband, kids and grandkids

For all that I have, and all that I have surrendered to God

And this beautiful day to process some of life lately 

As I sip this coffee …

My heart is full

And I am just really really thankful! 

Is the feeling we have from you God?

Well, the house has been on the market for almost two months now.  We believed that it was not a good selling time putting it on in July, but we did because we had to get going on it.  We had two showings within the first two weeks and were happy about that.  And then nothing.  And also in the meantime we do not have any house conditionally purchased either.  And in all truth, Alvin and I have been okay with it strangely enough.  We believe the only reason we have been "ok" is because of our new motto "we surrender everything and trust God fully."  

I have told people "what we know right this moment, as of the day we say it, today we are happy, healthy and we are not homeless."  We are not naive enough to think that some health can change seemingly overnight, but currently this is what we know.  Someone asked us if we were okay staying in the house and we will tell you - of course we are, we own it.  However it makes no sense for a couple to stay in a big home and not use a good portion of it daily, except when out of town family comes over to stay.

I have posted about our decision to finalize ministry, and have our "Farewell to the Well come and go dessert Evening Sept 10".  That is on two posts back I believe.  However we still have some people ask if we don't sell, would we be open to hosting in October etc.  Our answer is no, we are finished as of Sept. 10.

The other day I stopped for ice cream and bumped into a couple I had not seen for a while.  The husband asked me about how we decided to stop now if we had not sold yet.  I told him that it was because we sought God on the decision as a family, and that God had said it was time to wind up.  He asked me if God gave me a date for this, to which I replied that often God has, but this time there was no date, but in reality God told us this clearly at the end of December last year. And that was 9 months ago.

Last week I was talking to a spiritual companion, and she was asking me about this journey and I recalled the above story to her.  When I said again about it being 9 months, I all of a sudden had a huge "aha" moment.  9 months.  That is the time it takes for a baby to grow.  So it made sense to me that this was the birthing time for our next stage of life to begin.  

Alvin and I have talked about how we feel that God perhaps wanted us to give up and stop the ministry and then we could watch him move in our lives with no distraction.  We both feel that within September-October we will see things happen, and really hope that this "feeling" is from God.  We are standing with our hands empty and open fully to what God has in store.

The other day a young woman who has been a blessing and prayer warrior for me since we met here at The Well (as well as the ministry and also our daughter Ashley as she went through the finality of her marriage two years ago) contacted me via facebook message.  She said, "Good morning.  I am worshipping in my kitchen this morning and a song I have never heard made me think of you!!!  Joy, God is going to make NEW WINE out of you"

And she connected this link https://youtu.be/1ozGKlOzEVc?si=RhTzkofDuLCmOiMc

I love the song, and listened to it again.  The lyrics are beautiful:

In the crushing

In the pressing

You are making

New wine

In the soil, I

Now surrender

You are breaking

New ground

So I yield to You and to Your careful hand

When I trust You I don't need to understand

Make me Your vessel

Make me an offering

Make me whatever You want me to be

I came here with nothing

But all You have given me

Jesus, bring new wine out of me

In the crushing

In the pressing

You are making

New wine

In the soil, I

Now surrender

You are breaking

New ground

You are breaking

New ground

So make me Your vessel

Make me an offering

Make me whatever You want me to be

I came here with nothing

But all You have given me

Jesus, bring new wine out of me

Jesus, bring new wine out of me

'Cause where there is new wine

There is new power

There is new freedom

And the kingdom is here

I lay down my old flames

To carry Your new fire today

'Cause where there is new wine

There is new power

There is new freedom

And the kingdom is here

I lay down my old flames

To carry Your new fire today

So make me Your vessel

Make me an offering

Make me whatever You want me to be

God, I came here with nothing

But all You have given me

Jesus, bring new wine out of me

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Brooke Ligertwood

New Wine lyrics © Capitol CMG Publishing

I think this is where Alvin and I are at.  We are surrendered.  We want to be an offering.  We stand with empty hands.  Our kids and grandkids stand with us and often hold up our arms if we get tired.  

While it is with some sadness that I am saying good-bye to people, it is my hope that there will still be connections.  

So we stand - surrendered.  I am hosting my last three people coming tonight.  Sunday we will be done with hosting retreaters.  Wed we will have our come and go farewell.    We are waiting and trusting God - that September and or October we will see his hand move!!

Trust Him along with us!

with love,

J

Our new motto

 
I have walked though life with a few motto's that people have heard me say such as:  

Go Big or Go Home! (I think I even have this one in the bio on my blogspot here lol)

Dance like No One's Watching (spoken from the mouth of a gal who loves to dance, until I am invited to!!)

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger (when I was so sick in 2005,2006 and literally almost died)

Well as of this week, I/we now have a new one, and I think the family has all agreed that this is the one for this time of our lives.  It is a combination of two phrases that we are joining together to make our motto for this time and I also feel like the print I bought from Faye Hall Art years ago(I believe it is titled Faith) is a pictoral summary of our new motto!

Surrender All & Trust God Fully

Let me share my thoughts on my new motto.  I am not sure if it goes this way, or if it should be reversed as in TRUST GOD FULLY & SURRENDER ALL

BUT this new motto of ours has come out of this past year, and especially since April.  I believe that we are very quick to say to God - yes LORD I surrender.  Sometimes we even raise our open hands, palms up.  I remember when I was walking out in the garden in 2023 and I knew that God was calling me to surrender everything.  I was praying out loud, and weeping, as I told the LORD what I was giving to him, and surrendering. It was one of the time of my life where I was scared to actually pray and say what I said. That day, and that prayer, vividly came to mind as months later we headed into a very tough year as a family and the break up of my daughter's marriage. However even though I remembered that day of praying through my tears, not once did I blame God or ask him "why" and in fact I see where God did some amazing things in the life of my daughter and grandchildren and the rest of us, even amidst the brokenness.  Surrendered prayers.

One can say, sure it is easy to surrender all, when things are going well.  And TBT you are absolutely right.  When the sun is shining and the sky is bluest blue, and birds are singing, we see "surrender" in a different light.  Often when we are knocked face down, we are also faced with whether we will surrender (or not)  I know a couple people who are struggling with addiction and you would think they are the lowest they could go, but it is still not easy for them to surrender and I think it would be safe to say they have not totally surrendered yet.  (BUT I am only observing, only God knows!)

One thing I know for sure in my times of surrendering - it is hardest thing to do because often the things we are being told to surrender, are the things we love (both good and bad unfortunately, one can be called to surrender drugs, or alcohol or food, but don't want to even if those things have taken their toll on a person's health, wealth, mental stability)

ANYHOW, back to me and my times of surrender.  I have found it hard because it has been things I LOVE dearly ... my spouse/kids/grandkids; the ministry God called me to; the house that Alvin and my son and at the time, our son in law helped them build.  Those are people and things I love with all my heart.  If I was called to give up things I hated, then it wouldn't really be a surrender would it.

The post before this one, talked about God telling us we were done with ministry.  We knew then that we would also sell our home as it is too big for this 67 year old couple.  Yes, there has been some sadness but for the most part, such incredible joy.  Bring it on LORD - bring on the next chapter.  So we began to look at homes, with shops (for Alvin) ...  and a couple months ago, we put a conditional offer on a house we felt was for us.  It had been on the market for a while when we saw it.  The conditional sale was extended once by us, and then the date extended to tomorrow by the couple when our last time came due. The house was on Birds Hill Road, and yes it had a shop.  We were excited about the possibility.            

Our house as of today has been listed for 4 weeks.  We have had two showings in the first two weeks and now nothing.  We also knew that July is a bad month to list a house.  HOWEVER we were trusting God on it all.

On Tuesday night we got a call from our realtor that began, "I wish I was calling with some good news..."

Alvin and I had already talked about the looming deadline, and that we were not going to ask for an extension.  That was what Dave was calling about because they had an offer, but we had the first chance to decide to buy it, or not.  We said no, we wanted to let it go.

When we got off the phone we felt great release and relief.  It is a strange thing because last week we talked about whether God was wanting us to finally conclude ministry and trust him.  And Alvin and I also wondered if by hanging on to this house to buy, that perhaps we needed to let go of that too.  So we feel relief.

Many people have told us - "It is going to sell - your house will sell soon."  "We are praying about someone both purchase the home and also to take over ministry."  I could not list the amount of times we have been told that.  

What we are hearing very loud and clear right now is that we are now called to surrender all ... and to trust God fully on these steps - this time in between - our lives - our family - the ministry ending - someone to go forward in ministry - the purchaser of our home - and the furutre home for us.    This is why I realize that we now have a NEW life motto:  Surrender All & Trust God Fully

The definition of a motto (Cambridge dictionary) is 

- a short sentence or phrase that expresses a belief or purpose; 

- a word, phrase, or sentence that expresses the principles or belief of a person, group, country, or organization

Surrender All and Trust God Fully is the two short sentences put together to make our motto expressing our belief!  With God for us - we are in the best possible position.  

Yes sure, one can say - "well Joy, of course you are saying this - what would your option be?" Well we could be upset, untrusting, spouting off at God asking Him why he isn't doing something for us, etc. HOWEVER that has not been our position because we are not upset (we are so relieved) and we are TRUSTING and have not asked him the "why God's".   Instead we are choosing this route - believing that God has the right person/persons to buy it, and this is his ministry, so we know God can put someone in place to carry on ministry (we have furniture to leave behind for this).  Yes, we do not know God's timing.  We do know our timing is often not God's but his is always perfect. 

Perhaps Alvin and I will be living in our big house for a while yet - or maybe not.  But one thing we know is that this is the adventure we are on, and our hands have released the things we love, and we are fully trusting the the ONE who is provider and fulfiller of the future ahead for us!!

So on that note - we will Surrender All (over and over when things raise up, and likely every hour of each day we will be releasing our hands to God) and Trust God Fully with all we have!

For those of you who love us, and pray - please pray for God's will to be made known to us.  And for patience if the waiting seems long.

With love and thanks,

J