It happened today as I sat in my comfy chair by the window. It has become my place to sit — pulled up to the desk close to the window. Not having retreaters has freed up this space to become truly my own. If it gets messy — thats okay. If I want to sit here all day — that's okay too. The other thing that I have here in this chair is my electric heating pad. A combination of sciatic/hip and lower back pain made me a candidate a long time ago for hot bags and heating pads and to be honest, it has just become my comfort thing. Guess it could be worse hey!
So I came here to sit down. I laid my head back against the back of the chair and looked up and there it was like a glistening silver thread slightly waving with the air flow. Yep a cobweb from my garland on the window up to the light. Subtle but there.
Normally I would get up and take a swipe at it, but somehow today it doesn't seem to be a big issue for me. After all its just a little thin wisp of web. Although I do realize that with every web comes some kind of spider lol.
Instead it made me think of a few things. First of all, the fact that there are no people coming over, perhaps my cleaning has not been spot on. After all it is hard to clean after the garlands and decorations are up. Which leads me to the next question — why did I decorate? I decorated a few days before our Code Red restrictions came into place. I decorated thinking that maybe the only ones enjoying the decor of the season — would be Alvin and I. Back to the spider web ...
It is connected — from the garland to the light above and the fact that it is thin and silvery makes it very easy to blend in with the creamy yellow walls, and the light from the spot light above it. Yet it is there. Hidden for a while but now seen.
It made me realize how in life we carry around threads that connect us to things, or people, or places. Some are severed when we pull away for whatever reason — broken relationships, relationships for a season, or long lost friendships. And yet other threads remain attached over years of our life — to memories that wash over our hearts and minds. Threads that gently tug our thought back to a time and place, to a sight or sound, and moves our memory back years upon years... In these cases the threads have this kind of hold on us even though they seem delicate. I have realized as I have gotten older, how some of the threads of my past tug at me and somehow now, as an older wiser version of my teenage self, I am able to understand things from a better vantage point. And in the reflecting back we see where threads were severed prematurely, or for our best interest. The silent sway of this cobweb reminds me of the subtle things in life where we may let our guard down and do something, or say something ... only to realize that the subtle thread was so capable of taking on a life of its own. I am not sure about you, but I have actually come across places in the bush where the web has completely enveloped a section. It was no longer subtle, but it was almost a thick weaving around something that the spider deemed worthy enough to encapsulate.
It also made me think of how subtle sin is. It can seem like something that is no big deal. It may seem like something that we justify and all of a sudden it is just fine. The little thread on my garland may never grow to be more than just that — one thread ... but in another place, the spider could have the time and space to make the thin thread into an another one, and a stronger one, and soon they would become more obvious. And goodness me, no woman wants to have cobwebs blowing in the air flow of her house.
As subtle as sin sometimes is, I am fully aware that we can get numbed to it, or used to just seeing the little thread and thinking that it isn't affecting us - goodness I could take that with one finger and sweep it away... But subtle sin is subtle for a reason. It comes into our lives and doesn't alarms us. Subtle sin doesn't seem like any kind of threat ... until the spider spins it a little heavier, and weaves it around a few things or he goes into another area to spin a little bit more. We don't notice. Sure things may look a little dusty, but we promise we will take care of it with the big houseclean!
My analogy on this day. This kind of dreary day wherein I walked outside and thought of many things in my life. As I walked, I was so aware of some feeling that had welled up inside of me mid morning and had taken on a life of their own it seemed. As I walked, the tears were threatening to roll. The idea of tears freezing on my cheeks kept them at bay while I walked and though ...
I realized that some subtle things creep easily into our lives. We can very easily do things because of our own conviction, but become judgmental when someone else does not do or see things the same way. Worse yet, we can become angry as if it is "right" to feel that way. Or we can take on a victim mentality when no one asked us to become the victim!! Slowly and surely, the subtle thread weaves through our emotions, and our thoughts and we realize that what we feel is by no means subtle but so obvious that is shocks us to see it for ourselves. The silver thread turned into an obvious spider web. It Criss crosses back and forth, and catching things in its web. It no longer sways gently but has become a trap of sorts capturing the unknowing in its web. We take a swing and capture a bit of it, but then realize there is more woven through the fine needles and stems of the garland, and we work at getting it all down.
Funny, these thoughts made sense to me ten minutes ago, but as I look I feel like I have struggled to express what I am truly thinking ... so maybe I will just go and sweep that thin silver thread down before it become something more.
So sit back in your chair — plug in that electric heating pad, put your head back on your chair and check for your own silver threads blowing gently. I hope you don't find any - but if you do, think of me.
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