Sunday, October 21

"where I belong" (thoughts on Heaven)

I have been thinking about Heaven lately.
I have been thinking about those whom I love deeply
but have said "good-bye" to (for a while)
until we meet again in Heaven

I have spent some time lately - with a friend - at CancerCare
we have laughed together, we have sat in silence
I have observed old people and young people
very young ones

I have thought lately about my mom and dad
about my mom and dad k.
and hardly a day goes past that I don't think about my Grandson Jay

Sometimes I imagine heaven
although I won't know until I get there - whether my imagination is anything like Heaven
Sometimes I imagine my dad and mom - both running with Jay, and laughing with him
Sometimes I imagine my mom and dad klassen - walking with him and telling him stories
Sometimes I imagine others that I have loved and said good-bye too.
And sometimes - I just imagine being there - being with Jesus

Thing is - I love this life here.  I really love it.
I am so blessed to have the family I do -
              a man who loves me - quirks and all
                           kids who are such amazing and wise kids
                                     grandkids who constantly teach me about life - even at their young young ages
I love life - the adventure - the excitement - the expectation
We are expecting our next little grandbabe soon! (that is PURE expectation)

I love this life
But I also realize that I am just passing through
As the old hymn goes "this world is not my home"

When I was just newly married - I used to think about heaven - and about when Jesus would return
And I would think ... "not yet Lord, let me have my kids first, please."
And then I had kids, and I remember thinking "Lord, please just let me see my kids grow up"
And then they became adults and it was "Lord, just let me see them get married and have children"
Well ... you see the pattern here.

Thing is - I thank God that I know that my kids - all four of them - love Jesus as Lord of their lives.
I thank God that I have a husband that loves Jesus with all his heart.
I thank God that we have been blessed and able to serve the Lord with the gifts and talents he has given to us
I watch my precious little ones - and I am amazed at how I see the wonder of life - through their eyes.
I see them light up at the sight and sounds of things.
I thank God for all that He has blessed me with, and truly want to use it for His honor and glory.

Each morning - when I awake - it is a clean slate - a new day that he has given to me.
I am thankful.
Thing is - I also know that each day IS a gift from God,
and I believe that He does know the number of our days.
and that each day I am thankful for another day of grace!

Sometimes I get caught up in my life here - because really, this is all we know so well now
And I get caught up in the family here
in the fun, in the fullness, in work, in play, in friends ...
And then the reality of the fragility of life happens, when I hear about someone's mom passing, or see a picture of someone I know in the obits - or, as I did on Wed, see a little toddler leaving Cancercare and knowing by his thin fuzzy hair, that he is going through some tough stuff!

Life is but a breath ...
All I know is this is NOT my permanent home ...
But - in the meantime, I want to live all out

I want to live my life - so that others see Jesus in me/through me

This past week (sometimes twice in a day) I have heard this song - and it has ministered to me.
Hope it does the same for you
We really are - just passing through aren't we?
I am NOT home where I belong yet.
In the meantime though - I am going to live outwardly, and fully ...


Sometimes it feels like I'm watching from the outside
Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing but am I alive
I won't keep searching for answers that aren't here to find

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

So when the walls come falling down on me
And when I'm lost in the current of a raging sea
I have this blessed assurance holding me.

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

When the earth shakes I wanna be found in You
When the lights fade I wanna be found in You

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong[x2]

Where I belong, 
where I belong
Where I belong, 
where I belong


Joanne said...

Joy, I understand what you are saying but I don't entirely agree with it. You say we get "caught up" in our lives here. I think that is what God wants of us. We SHOULD be caught up in our lives here. We need to be continually aware of this life and its gifts. Yes, we are made for eternity, but right now we are here. Having a little bump along the road myself this past week, I thought to myself "I don't want to die". This is all I know and I don't want to go yet. I have no longing for eternity, not yet.

Joy said...

Hi Joanne
Thanks for the comment. And, I don't think you have to entirely agree with it - as it is just statements made while I was blogging/thinking. I didn't say that I think getting caught up is a bad thing. In fact - I love life - living it, getting caught up with my kids and my grandkids and my friends, etc.
However, and I am not sure if you have lost someone close to you (sorry, not sure which Joanne this is :) But I just find that since I lost our Jay - and prior and post losing Jay, we have lost all our parents, so I do think of Heaven and our reunion.
I think that it is normal for us to get caught up - and actually I used the word SOMETIMES but it is MOST TIMES. But there is always this sense that this is just the middle part of our lives - on our way to our eternal home. I am not saying that I want to die ... but I do long to hold my little grandson Jay as well too - and that will only happen in Heaven.

All this being said - I hope you also saw that I want to live ALL OUT and live FULLY in the here and now - this IS what I know - this IS where I am - and I am going to live it 150%!!

Thanks again - and I hope that you are having a good week!