Thursday, December 13

a few thoughts on being an introvert...

It has been a while since I have posted anything.  It is not because I have nothing of any significance in my life to talk about - because there is always something! (of course, that is my opinion only :)   ) BUT it is more that my life has been a little overflowing and well - I will be honest - it makes me tired.

I have come to realize that we can do all kinds of stuff - for people - for places - for missions - for ourselves.  I am sure that I could be running constantly!  AND let's be honest - there are alot of good causes out there - and good things to get involved in - and well - we all want to be "useful" don't we?

Years ago - I learned the hard way.  I learned alot about what took me to the lowest depths (aka as my long deep depression)  and why.
I realized then (albeit not till after I was in depression)  that I was trying to do too much.  Let's face it - women ARE nurturers.  Women ARE the ones pouring themselves out for their families, their jobs, their friends.  That is just want women do!!  (yes, okay, I am generalizing I know, however most women I know fall into this category).  A pastoral friend once said, that there are "givers" and "takers" in our lives, and I totally get that - givers and takers in our work places, in our churches.  Not good or bad - just a reality, and so therefore we need to watch if we are heavy on the "giving" side!

I have done a number of things lately - and loved it!  I have drank coffee with a number of friends and loved it.  I have run a number or errands, delivered a number of meals, and gotten involved in a number of good mission opportunities.  DON'T GET ME WRONG.  I am not complaining.  I am just saying - that for me - I have come to another "aha" moment.

Here it is.  I realized this week - that my weeks have been full of people.  People I love.  People I am getting to know.  People I used to go to church with and people I go to church with now.  I love people.  REALLY.  Thing is (and this may be a surprise to some) I am an INTROVERT by nature.  (for some reason people are surprised when I say this - and especially since I was a pastor) but I am.
I know it to be true.  I have also done a personality assessment - and yes, it also confirmed this.
I am, by personality an INTROVERT who is married to an EXTROVERT.  This is my realization again this week.  I NEED MY OWN SPACE in order to RENEW/REFUEL/REFRESH.  (so, are you surprised?)

And why did I realize this week- likely because I have had the fullest/most overflowing week yet - it seems that the last few weeks just picked up speed as they went along - and this week - it became too much.  And - you likely would not know the difference if you saw me - but you would know if I happened to share that with you (which I guess I am doing here).  So this week - already on Monday morning - it was the "aha" moment - the moment at which God reminded me that I just really really needed to s-l-o-w  d-o-w-n and breathe!

Ah - breathe in
breathe out
breathe in
breathe out

So I have been - breathing - and also intentionally slowing down - and just inhaling more of GOD ... more of the quiet pace when I can stay home and just putter around my kitchen, or clean my office or do a load of laundry.  SO I have been breathing - when I open the Word of God and read the advent scriptures for this third advent week - JOY.  (I am doing an advent series with  I breathed deeply when I sat with my two little grandsons and asked Ev about his day, and held Roger on my knee.  I breathed deeply today when I held my little granddaughter Mattie up against my shoulder and could feel her breathing, and hear her little baby sounds.

I needed that ...
I NEED it even more.
I am so thankful that God does that with me - that he has carried me through the hard times so that I could then learn how to slow down and renew before it gets that hard again.  I am thankful that I learned alot during that time - about who I am - about how HE created me to be that introvert.  I am glad that I learned about how to renew - and when - and why.  I am so glad that even as an introvert - there are so many people in my life - whom I can love and be with - whom I can have coffee with and get to know - and times when I can also minister to others with the gifts and talents that God has given to me.

Being an introvert is not good or bad.  It just IS.
And I know that part of that personality type is that I need to just step away - and to just "be"
And ... this is THAT week.  (thank you Lord that you help me to realize who I am - and also help me to embrace it.  Thank you Lord - that you have made me, and love me but more than anything - that you also are my joy, my peace, my strength and my living water!!)


Anonymous said...

Thanks for this Joy. I too am a introvert, and can get too involved in "things". The last 2 years on disability have repeatedly taught me to trust in Him for our every need and care. We still have a roof over our heads and have lacked for nothing. We are blessed, maybe not by the world's standards.We have been carried,& loved through it all. Have a wonderful Christmas. Dorothy

Leah said...

I think I'm the same way Mom. :)