Missing my sweet friend Audrey, on her birthday.

I have been thinking about you a lot my friend
how you are with Jesus
and how we, who you left back here almost a year ago
we (especially your husband and son)
are
so
missing
you.

Often I look out my back yard
across the field and to the left
and think of the times we sat and talked
over a cup of coffee
toward the end,
Arnie always made it for us
those were sweet times
and I miss them so much.

Often I think back to the first night we met
finding out we were not only going to be in the same care group
but also neighbours
something happened in my heart that night
you instantly became my friend

It was a hard journey you had
so
incredibly
hard
The first year, you took it in stride
and beat that monster
or at least when we celebrated,
we thought you had
but I won't forget that time when you and I were together
and you shared about something you found in your leg
surely just a varicose vein
but then
you found out,
the monster was back
and the lump in your leg was all a part of it.

I don't think I ever thanked you my friend
for allowing me into your life
and into your life with cancer
as hard as it was
there were times when we laughed
and I came to see your "Audrey smile"
and I came to understand your wit and your sweet sarcasm

Your second fight with the monster
was harder
and took more energy out of you
and more time out of your life
and it scared the heck out of your husband and son
and the rest of us
You and I talked about how we both had this strong sense that this round would take you to be with Jesus
that was so incredibly hard
to feel that so strongly
but to continue to pray boldly for your healing.
O it came alright
the morning you entered into the arms of Jesus.

I will never forget this time last year
when I baked a cake (although it was very sweet)
you had told me once that your mom used to make angel food cake for your birthday
and Julie and I showed up, with candles in hand
but your day, your BIRTHDAY
was not such a good day, in the midst of a really bad time.
But we visited
and talked
and we prayed.
It was so hard to say "Happy Birthday" seeing you and knowing that it was going to be your last
this side of heaven

I will never forget sitting by your bed
holding hands
and often neither of us saying a word
just enjoying one another's presence
and letting the unspoken words, speak into our hearts.

I miss you my friend
O how I miss you
and writing these words bring tears
that run down my cheeks.
but I realize they are just tears for me
because the reality is
You sweet One
are seriously having the time of your life
Heaven - I bet you could tell me some wonderful things
And there is no sickness, no tears, no death.
You are completely whole.

But for us who just really really miss you
Our hearts are still pretty broken
Although we do know
it is only for a time ....
till we meet again.

So my friend - this year, in spite of the brokenness you have left behind
I can honestly say - Happy Birthday Audrey
I can only imagine how happy you are there.
but my tears flow because I miss you so much
your gentleness
your friendship
your wisdom
I miss you so much because we became sisters
and I loved you
So happy birthday dear One - as you spend it with Jesus - the giver of the greatest gift of all
Which you have gotten to experience before any of us.
Our loss losing you
But your great gain - going to be with Jesus.

So our tears will fall
our hearts will ache
our memories will fill in great stories
until we are together again!

Happy Birthday with Jesus Audrey!!
I love you my friend
and I miss you.
More than words can tell.

This song, one of my favourites - is for you!
I will always love you my friend.
Happy Birthday in heaven!