For years now (actually many many years) I have prayed and asked God "What is your word for me in the year ahead?" There were some years when I would take the word God gave me, and I got the word engraved on a ring that I wore for that year. It was a daily reminder of the word engraved on my heart. Words such as TRUST and BELOVED and BEAUTIFUL and JOURNEY were engraved on silver rings and worn.
There were also years where I sought God on words for my kids. There is something about God giving you a word - or a verse - for the year ahead. So, this year was no different.
I began to ask him, "Lord what is my word? Would you please speak it to me?" I was not sure if I was paying attention or if I just had not asked him prior. I thought I had heard a word one day - but did not write it down and later I could not remember, so I kept asking him.
Last night as I laid in bed, with Alvin gently sleeping beside me, I was speaking to the LORD. And I asked him - LORD what is the word? I am going into this year - and I would love to know. And before I knew it, He spoke the word to me. My response was .. really God? Am I hearing you correctly? And I fell asleep.
This morning I texted my kids:
Me: Pray God will confirm a word. I don't really like the one I believe he gave me.
To which my daughter promptly responded: What is it?
You see the word He gave me is BROKEN. And I have known "brokenness" before, and really, was not sure I wanted this word. As I texted with my kids, the messages went ike this:
Me: Broken
Ash: hmmm
Me: But also the line from song Break my heart for what breaks yours. And a picture of the Japanese vases with gold in the cracks
Josh: you have to break some eggs to make a Denver.
Ash: Makes sense. lots of beauty in brokenness.
Me: Yep. But I immediately went to "Lord I don't want to be broken. I've had the heart broken in a million pieces. What do you mean Josh?
Ash: Maybe it's him talking about how he's going to use the brokenness to create something new and beautiful in 2022.
Josh: that's a saying, you have to break some eggs to make an omelette. I feel like God is telling a lot of s to not try and reassemble Humpty Dumpty but instead make a nice omelette and move on. Much of our online stop gaps are just re-creations of in person. God seems to be saying, "make something new, don't cling to the old and broken."
Me: ah yes. You kids are wise. I believe broken is my word (with a happy face) and one of them put a heart on this as well)
- - - - - -
Yes now you see why I wondered if I had heard right! Really God? I am not sure I like that word. However today, he expanded on that, and gave me a few more words/thoughts. The line from a song "Break my heart for what breaks yours" came to mind. Also he reminded me of a picture of some pottery that was repaired using a Japanese method called: Kintsugi whis is "the art of precious scars" or another definition is: "the Japanese art of embracing broken and flawed things."
So LORD - broken you said. Broken it is. I am accepting that word with a combination of thoughts and feelings. Originally I felt some trepidition - did I need to feel fearful of what may break me? I can never forget what my heart looked like when it was broken in a million pieces. But then when he gave me the song, and the picture, I changed my mind. I think this word originally sounded perhaps "negative" but I am excited to see what it means for me in the year ahead.
I have been here before, on the cusp of the New Year - like every other person on this planet. Looking ahead. Trying to to keep looking back. Being expectant of the future.
And again I say - I do not know what is ahead. Today is only the 2nd of January with 363 more days ahead in the year called 2022. We do not know what lays ahead - but I know WHO holds this year and all that it entails - and I am trusting my LORD with this!! Every single day. And I have no doubt HE will unfold what this word means.
So LORD here I am - with my word BROKEN. Show me LORD. Speak to me. Surprise me. Carry Me. its you and me together - for 2022. You and Me LORD. The Potter and the Clay.
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