coTTage ThoTs

Last weekend, my husband and I were at the cottage by ourselves (for the most part, except for extended family visiting for part of Saturday). We went for a walk and took some pictures of a few wild flowers, of daisies, and of the water. I love the lake - the quietness - the beauty - the reminder of what a creative God HE IS!!

On Sunday morning, Alvin and I sat side by side, watching a Beth Moore DVD - session 3 - on Esther. Now Alvin appreciates Beth Moore's teaching - and so do I. Session 3 focused on Esther 4:1-14. I want to share a few thoughts with you - from Beth Moore's lips - to my ears - to this blog! Thoughts to consider - to ponder.

Back in the intro, Beth said "God is building up our faith to see something we are hardly going to believe when it comes to full revelation."

"He's (meaning GOD) smack dab in the middle. God does work through miracles but often through the individual in the natural setting, the natural realm and that's the miracle! He enables us to do something we know we can not do!!

"God has something strategically planned - that has to do with me - my destiny! God is not going to fulfill my destiny with out me! There is a call to courage and perseverance!"

"You cannot amputate your history from your destiny! You can not become the person God is going to make you - without your history! That's what redemption is!!"

"You will never be more prone to attack than when God has pulled you out from where you have been and set your feet on a wilderness road to get you someplace you're going - but girlfriend - you ain't there yet!"
Then last Sunday, session 3 - God used Beth Moore even more to speak things to me that I needed to hear right now!

"Destiny is never for our sake and for our own ego! As God sheds light on it - more times than not, He will turn us(pivot us) to another direction on the heels of crisis, that we will alter see as God unfolds the plan!

"if it is God's time - you're in your prime!"

Beth continued to say that "one of the most important parts of fulfilling our destiny will be our transparency. It's through the transparency that we have our identity!"
The story of Esther 4 is a good one - we see Esther as Queen and the Jews are facing annihilation unless she does something. But - if she goes and sees the King - she may be killed. If she does nothing - they will be killed. In fact DOING NOTHING IS NOT AN OPTION HERE! At one point, Mordecai tells her "Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?"
Wow - I can not imagine Esther's heart at this point... a human dilemma.
In the manual Beth says "None of our purposes will be fulfilled easily. All of them will require the most difficult decisions we think we can make. Decisions that we may feel will practically kill us. Then God does something miraculous and we become something we're not. I had to accept that I was not called to an easy life. I was called to a purposeful life."
Then she asks if we are coming to the same conclusions and what circumstances have helped me come to this conclusion. In that space I have just written one name: Jay

I know if you have been following my randomness over the past year or less - you know how much my little grandson Jay has affected my life! Words can not express the effect that this little guy had - even though he never breathed a breath outside of his mommy! Yet, his little life has taught me about so much to do with my life - with God - oh yes little one, this Granny will never be the same. Ever.

I have fought hard (although mostly a silent, inner, me and God fight, or should I say "wrestle") In the Esther manual, page 98, Beth Moore writes:
"At strategic times of internal war I stop and ask myself, "what if this is a critical moment? What if this very thing, this very decision, is the most important piece of the puzzle comprising my purpose?

God has profoundly used the conviction that those heightened times of decision in my toughest trials could be "make it or break it" moments in my destiny. Much like Mordecai suggested, I always knew God would accomplish His will and do what He intended, but if I made a man-ward (vs. Godward) decision, I'd be left out of a divine loop that would eventually mean everything to me. Beloved, in the times of greatest struggle when you make the Godward decision...you too have come to a critical moment in the fulfillment of your destiny. A defining moment. A war is being waged over your head in the unseen realm, and a great clour of witnesses is cheering you on. You have no idea what's at stake."
~~~*~~~
Somehow it seems that God is taking all the broken and scattered pieces of my heart -and slowly bringing them back together. I don't think that my heart resembles a heart quite yet, but somehow, I just feel like He has his hand on the pieces - even the ones that I think have been shattered, scattered and lost in the darkness.

Somehow it seems that out of that incredible darkness - incredible grief - HE is making something beautiful, as only God can, out of something so ugly.
Somehow it seems He is taking all of this past almost year - and helping me to become someone who can use my grief for his glory. No, I still can not thank Him for my grief... but I can thank Him for the joy that He is giving me in the mornings... amidst the grief.

Somehow it feels like the study of Esther is especially for me right now. It is about God using me for His purpose - and it does seem that as Beth said, "it will often be crisis that God uses to pivot our direction." And pivot it He has!

O Lord God - mender of my broken heart - restorer of joy - redeemer of my life - thank you for walking with me, often carrying me, picking me up over and over again, along this journey - through this crisis. O Lord - you are making something beautiful of something so terribly hard and sad - You have changed me - O GOD, you have chamged me so much that often I hardly recognize myself! YET - you are doing it gently, lovingly and supporting me through each step - hard as it is.
I see O Lord, how you are unfolding your plan, your purpose for me. Lord God - continue to use me. I love you Lord. Amen.