God has me on a journey - and as I travel it, this blog reflects the thoughts and musings (and the odd butterfly) from the heart of a middle-age woman, who is learning how to love with all my being, live fully and with no regrets, embrace life with my husband,kids and grandkids, and to let God lead in the dance of life that He has me learning!
Friday, November 4
doing the unexpected
won't be wearing my right runner for about 3 weeks!
It is a stupid thing that I have done. Stupid because I did it not just once, but twice! Yes folks! TWICE.
I walked down the steps from our current living quarters. The steps have no railing, but that was not an issue up till about 6 weeks ago, when early one morning, I stepped off of the second last step thinking I was on the ground. Such it was - my first fall from the steps! Luckily, I did not break my foot or anything else! BUT I did end up with a bit of a sore hip again :(
Fast forward to Wednesday - early morning. I was going to go and get my keys which Alvin hung above the freezer at the door. I wanted to start my car so that I could defrost it - as the early morning frost was thick on the windshield. I needed to go to the gym (which I was procrastinating about) and had to be at work in time, so my schedule was pretty tight if I didn't get going.
SO down the stairs I went - carefully, or so I thought! AND I am not sure what happened... I think I was looking straight ahead at the hooks on the wall for my keys, when I stepped off of the second last step (again) and went down. Down hard. And down in a different way, with my feet landing under me in a kneeling type of position. And it seems like it was all in slow-mo with me thinking, "oh my, what have I done again? this is not good!" And as I fell, I heard a very distinct "pop".
I always wondered if when trees fell in the jungle, if people weren't around - would they still make a sound? Well - let me tell you - when this "tree" fell onto that cement floor - it made a big sound - a few crying sounds! Man, it hurt. And, I was scared ... because in those early seconds as I laid there - I was not sure IF I would be able to get up, and what would I do since my cell was UPSTAIRS and Alvin was gone to work? Were would I have to crawl?
Slowly and surely, I was able to get up - stop howling, and get myself upstairs slowly but surely. I surveyed the damage and thought - well - there was no blood, no blue bruising, and no bones sticking out. Must be a twist or a sprain.
Fast forward to the end of the day when Alvin took a look (after I did drag myself into work and hobbled around) and Alvin's words to me were "oh no, I think it may be broken". SO, I went into the sports injury clinic here in the city (Pan Am) and 7.5 hours later, got home with a "boot" and a pair of "crutches" and my wallet $130 lighter. NO BREAKS but severe ligament damage. The instructions were to use crutches and put very little weight on my booted foot ... and to begin physio in 1.5 weeks, and to be off work for 3 weeks, perhaps 4 depending on what the physiotherapist says.
(insert sad face here)
So, here I am - hobbling around - trying to figure out how to use crutches. With my fibromyalgia, I find that my wrists are the weakest spot, but now they are having some work put on them (using crutches). I realize that it is impossible to walk with crutches and carry a cup of coffee! (or anything else unless it can go in a bag). I realize how much I took my two legs for granted AND have thought about my dad alot - as he became and amputee in WWII and had to learn to walk with crutches and an artificial leg. My dad always made it look so easy!
I also wish I had lost the 75 lbs that I have been trying to - cause it would have made it easier to support my weight on my arms! Maybe now that I can't get to the fridge as easy (or carry food with my crutches) I will shed a couple!!
Being that it is my right foot means that I can not drive (warned that it is not good if I get caught driving with my boot on, and I think it would be terribly hard to even try to drive with it) SO if I want to go anywhere by myself - I will have to de-boot to drive!
I will admit - I was feeling a little down today - it just seemed too hard to try to shuffle around. Too hard to try to make lunch. (last night I had popcorn for supper!) I realized it could be really easy to just be pitiful, which I really do not like! And then I talked with a sweet friend - who has been the recipient of the boot as well - with the same 3 week off work prescription! She doesn't have to use crutches, BUT she is still laid up, different injury but same foot! THING IS ... J actually sounded upbeat about it! She sounded like she was going to fully embrace this (literal) down time - and make the best of it!
If I believe God is sovereign (which I do) and that nothing happens out of his control, and that sometimes He allows things for reasons we may never know (which I also believe) ... then I need to embrace this time of rest! I struggle still with this - because I think that my husband really needs a rest, and yet for some reason this rest has to be taken by me! I fight the feeling of "adding to his work" daily, as he helps me get things, move things, etc. But after I got off the phone with J. I realized that this is my down time and I can make the most of it - or just be down about it! I have chosen to somehow - make the most of it!
So I will likely travel down the steps very little over the next little while. Maybe I just needed to slow down. What can I do during this time? Well - there are things - like some filing that has piled up, or my online course that I am taking but haven't been able to get to lately. Or read the books that are waiting to be read. OR maybe just getting my Quiet Time and journalling in daily. I have been talking to God about this too. Time will tell - but I really want to make the most of this down time!
And one day - maybe I can actually say thank-you Lord for this boot and set of crutches!
In the meantime, Lord, help me to take advantage of this season of rest!