Friday, February 3

Desperate! (more about TRANSFORMATION)

It has been a while since I have blogged.  Can't quite figure out why - but I think it has to do with time.  Working shifts - I love it but I hate it but I love it!  (confused you didn't I?)  Love the variety, but often the days are early, and the nights are long, and I have found that I have not written as much as I want to.  Oh well.  Here I am today.  And I am glad that for a few minutes anyhow - my thoughts are in the same place ... right here with me, sitting on a soft chair, with a warm heating pad on my back.  It is time to write.

I have written on this blog, as well as on my other blog ( that I have been touched/blessed/inspired/encouraged/challenged by the sermon series that Pastor Dave and Pastor Delbert have been speaking on.  If you want to watch them - just go to and find them there.  Pour yourself a cup of coffee and take in some good sermons and be challenged too.  ANYHOW back to my thoughts today:

Delbert spoke on Transforming Our Minds and one of his opening remarks was "God is calling us to be transformed in our formation."

He wants us to be transformed so that we can live a fulfilled life! He talked about how we often live vicariously through someone else's experiences.  Also that we have a natural tendency to drift toward something more.  That we should not be afraid of the unknown.  That there should be no more "I shoulds".

We read one of my favorite Psalms.  Psalm 63.  I love that one.

A psalm of David, regarding a time when David was in the wilderness of Judah.
 1 O God, you are my God;
      I earnestly search for you.
   My soul thirsts for you;
      my whole body longs for you
   in this parched and weary land
      where there is no water.
 2 I have seen you in your sanctuary
      and gazed upon your power and glory.
 3 Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
      how I praise you!
 4 I will praise you as long as I live,
      lifting up my hands to you in prayer.
 5 You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
      I will praise you with songs of joy.
 6 I lie awake thinking of you,
      meditating on you through the night.
 7 Because you are my helper,
      I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.
 8 I cling to you;
      your strong right hand holds me securely.

So some of my thoughts on these sermons?
They are many?
Like - am I DESPERATE for more of the Lord Jesus?
What does "DESPERATE" for him look like in my life?
Are there other thoughts that crowd out my longing for Jesus?
What are the things that hold me back?  Are there natural cravings that interfere?
Why was I created?  Other than to bring HIM the glory?  What is his purpose for me?
How do I perceive my God?
Am I continually allowing God to change my heart?

I think I have been desperate often ...
Desperate for his touch on my life
Desperate to hear his voice
Desperate to see and experience his presence in my life daily.
Usually being "desperate" has a negative connotation but in this way, O Lord, make me desperate for you.
I just really want to continue to thirst after him.
Lord - help me to be desperate for YOU.

There are often things that crowd Jesus out of my day.  Not that He ever leaves me... NO
But often I fill my day with a tight schedule or distracting things and do not make/take the time to just read the Word, or be still and spend some QT with him.
Lord, help me to get rid of distractions.
Lord, help me to always make my QT with you central to the rest of my day.
Because it is through this time with you, that I receive my refueling and refreshment for my day.

What holds me back from living fully?
I am not feeling so great sometimes because of my excess weight (but that is in process of decrease!!)  so I look forward to feeling lighter and having more energy.
Sometimes fear holds me back.  The "what if's?" will kill ya!
Sometimes I have to wait until God convinces Alvin and I both of something.  There are times when I think he plays it too safe ... and I would jump off with both feet and perhaps too soon.  So I am glad  that together we can figure out what God is calling us to, and when.
Sometimes I just get "held back" because I am not sure I can do it.
Or not sure we have the money to do it.  That is the reality for many things right?  Finances.

Natural cravings?
oh yes ...  and it has only been in the past month that I have truly started to work through how the natural cravings have such a huge affect on the spiritual!
I want to crave GOD more than anything that is in the category of "natural cravings"
Imagine if I craved God naturally before things like french fries, cheesecake or chocolate covered anything!!
O Lord help me to crave YOU!!

I am thankful that my earthly father and father-in-law were men who I had healthy father-daughter relationships with.  I do not take that for granted.  As a little girl, I remember sitting on my dad's knee and he would hug me, or sing to me, or tell me a story.  I remember going to him as an adult woman, and hearing him pray for me and my family.  I am thankful that my dad in law was a man who I trusted, loved and respected and valued his input in my life.  I think because of these relationships, I have a very easy time of seeing God as my Father, and feeling loved and secure in HIM.  I do know that He is a God of grace but also a righteous God.

What was I created for?  For his honor and glory (ultimately).  That is the "Sunday School" answer right?  I also know taht to be the truth, and want to live a life that brings him the praise!  His purpose for me?  I think I am watching it unfold.  Loving the Lord, and following him, especially since the 90's, has been an exciting adventure.  There is no other way to explain it.  An adventure that is likely much like a rollercoaster ride at Disney!  Weaving through/sometimes up/sometimes down/sometiems fast/sometimes slow/sometimes upsdie down!!  A fasten your seatbelt advetnture!

I still get shivers when I think of what God has called me to.  SHIVERS.
I still wonder if he is absolutly sure that I can do this.
I still weep when I recall parts of the story, or read journal entries that point to God's fingerprints all over my life, and all over this ministry He has entrusted us.
I still get shivers when I realize how much more He needs to transform me! But that he is still choosing to use me and entrust things to me!
S-H-I-V-E-R-S and G-O-O-S-E-B-U-M-P-S!

I want to live fully.
Me the one who is scared stiff of roller coasters and yet feels like I have been riding the biggest coaster of my life!
I want to live

Lord make me desperate for you, so that my life can be a sweet fragrance to you, and that ultimately when people see/hear/watch me/us ~ that they would only see you Jesus.  ONLY YOU!

Just when I finished writing my thoughts, the words of a song which I absolutley LOVE came across my heart.  I have not heard this sung for a long long LONG time.  It is called "My Tribute" and written by Andre Crouch.  May the words bless your heart, as they do mine.

I also posted on my other blog  "The Journey"

No comments: