Today was a day FULL of hugs... actually this weekend has been -
Alvin, Ashley, Michael, Joshua and Leah, Mom.
Elmer, Jeannette, Char, Terrilynn, Jane, Judy, Karis,Irene, Agatha, Tana, Willy, Betty, Trudy.
Maria, John, Lenora, Elsa, Elvira, Lilly, Ingrid, Sarah, Elleanore, Tante Rosa, Uncle Hein.
Laura, Ryan, Janna (and I got to hold and hug little Addison)
They say that everyone needs a min. of 7 touches a day!! I believe we all need this!
So why if I have been so hugged - have I run to "comfort food" today... especially this afternoon. After weeks and weeks of cutting out white flour, white sugar and just taking one day at a time - WHY did I turn to this place of comfort. One thing I realize is that I have a much better understanding of myself, and my emotions. I just wish I had such a good understanding of ME that I didn't run to food for comfort. I am so fickle! O God, forgive me!!
While I have been trying to "process" my day (mixed in with the hugs) I have realized that I have also had some very meaningful conversations. However, I am also totally aware of "conversations and hugs" that don't happen anymore. That is especially sad for me. Hurt does some weird things to relationships. Hurt and misunderstanding. Sometimes I just get so angry over it all.
And - it makes me feel unsettled. (and I run to comfort food) Restless (so I run to comfort food). Caged in feeling (ya, you got it - I run to comfort food) Did I mention that today, I was surrounded by chocolate!
I hate operating with "unfinished business" or "misunderstanding and hurt." I just don't like living life that way! I was the mom who used to drive to the school and take my kids out of class so that I could say "I'm sorry" and "I love you." Both of my kids will remember those times when the principal called them to the office for me!! I was raised to "never let the sun go down on your wrath" as the Bible says. I don't think that I had ever before come to an impasse. Until this summer. And months later - I am still trying to figure out how to work through it all. If nothing else to bring peace to MY soul. I can only work through my junk.
Today, I have been trying to process my thoughts and feelings. And again, Alvin and I have spent time trying to talk through it... I talked and he listened tonight. I am trying to decide - is it my pride? God forgive me. I really need you Lord to work through this stuff for me because I am obviously not walking ahead in total freedom. (but I want to)
Minimum 7 touches a day. O God - thank you for those who "moved into" my life this weekend, and who dared to just hug me. And.... let me hug them. Thank you God for the "community" of friends, of which we are a part, and who dare to step into our lives and just continue to love on us! You guys know who you are and I just really you to know, that we really love you. Impromtu visits, texts, emails, coffee's, suppers, visits and hugs, sometimes mixed with tears, have never been so sweet. You know who you are and we thank God for you.
As I process tonight - I realize that while it is so unsettling, some people are able to live with this on their chest, but I just can't. I just really want to do the right thing Lord - I just really want to do .... the....right....thing. O God - in your mercy hear my prayer. (And Lord, can you please nudge me when I am on the way to the pantry!)
"Remember to get the right nutrients every day including hugs and kisses." Valerie Bertinelli in her book Finding It: And Satisfying My Hunger for Life Without Opening the Fridge
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