David asked God to remember him.... so am I asking the same thing!

Outside the world is covered by a blanket of fresh snow. I am home today, and soon will be around a dining room table with my kids. It is quiet in the house. I have things to do, including a sermon to write for next Sunday. I have just taken some pain medication - I just worked out on the dance pad :) for half an hour. And I am in pain.

Last week God brought a couple scripture references to mind. I had looked up the one, but not till now did I look up the other, Psalm 28.
Oh David.... he has become my friend. It is David that had a heart after God's own. That is what God said, David didn't self-appoint! And sometimes, when you read David's story, you have to ask how his heart was after God's own... but other times, you understand, or at least I do.

Psalm 38 is subtitled: A Psalm of David, asking God to remember him.

Maybe I will be accused of pulling scripture out of context, but these are the verses that my heart resonated with:

Psalm 38
6) I am bent over and racked with pain
All day long I walk around filled with grief.
8) I am exhausted and completely crushed
My groans come from an anguished heart.
9) You know what I long for Lord,
you hear my every sigh.

15) For I am waiting for you O Lord,
You umust answer for me, O Lord my God.

21) Do not abandon me, O Lord,
Do not stand at a distance, my God.
22) Come quickly to help me,
O Lord my saviour.


O God.... you know what I long for Lord.... I am waiting for you, O Lord.
I identify with David, although he refers to sin that has caused this anquish of physical body and soul. I identify with the feeling of being crushed. I identify with the grief, the waiting, the feeling abandoned.

I identify with a body that physically feels like it can not take another step. I know that the physical catches up with the rest of you. I have experienced that before. My physical pain.... I don't often give "fibromyalgia" the credit for my pain, perhaps I just don't want to acknowledge it, I don't know. Perhaps it is because the doctors lump the unknown pain into the fibromyalgia diagnosis.
A few years ago, I met someone who was crushed with fibromyalgia. She had numerous hospital visits... her organs were shutting down... she was so very sick.
I thank God that I have never been that bad, but today, it dawned on me, that it is worse than it has been in years. And I have nothing else to blame it on but that - fibromyalgia. There has only been one other time in my life when it has been so bad that I had to stay home... and that was during the fall leading up to my resignation at the daycare. I know that stress adds to fibromyalgia. I also know that sitting around would be the first thing that I want to do, but the worst thing for me to do. It is a hard situation. Today, I feel slightly overwhelmed... like that's a secret. While my kids are okay or should I say have gotten used to my house with its dustbunnies!!.... I haven't. Every where I look there is work to be done... stuff to throw out, clean up. My house needs a good cleaning but the thought of it is overwhelming. My arms ache, my back aches so much that it feels like I have rusted up. My sleep does not come easy, as even laying in bed is a chore.

I have no doubt that the grief, the stress, has all caught up, and now, I am not sure what to do with it. Perhaps the pain medication will take off the edge so that I can do the daily stuff. Perhaps I can ask my young neighbor at the corner if he can load the wood stove while my husband is away. It just all seems big... and painful...
I need a warm climate for a little while. That always helps. For now I guess, I will just have to take the pain med, snuggle up to my heating pad, put on a Pachebal tape of the ocean, and dream.

God.... will you remember me? and my family? God, could you either take the physical pain, or give me strength to work through it. Sometimes Lord, I get scared from it. Lord God, you are healer, deliverer, Saviour. Please come to my rescue. O God, please remember me.