Tuesday, February 2
Feeling a Little Bit Melancholy
Today is a "feeling a bit melancholy" type of day.
I looked up the definition of melancholy, as I thought it just meant - feeling a little sad, or a little thoughtfully/introspective. Actually it defined melancholy as: Sadness or depression of the spirits; gloom: "There is melancholy in the wind and sorrow in the grass" (Charles Kuralt)
Hmm.... yes, that I guess could describe me? Nothing in particular - just a bit of a feeling. I am loving that I am home. My FMS pain is much less today. I am very thankful about that. On Friday, it hurt to hold a phone to my ear.
My husband and son-in-law Michael are working in the shop on BJFWorks stuff. It is nice to have the company around AND to know that they will load the woodboiler before leaving for work later. (I loaded it this morning and last night).
Today especially, for some reason, I am really feeling sad about not going anywhere this winter. (forgive me if I sound like a brat) There are a few reasons we are NOT going right now ... and so, we will be sitting tight for this season. My body loves the warmth of the sun in hot climates. My soul - well, there is just something amazing about sitting with the hOt sun, hOt sand, and the sound of the ocEan. Guess I will just have to be envious of others and put in my CD that plays ocean sounds. (insert a sAd face here!) We are hoping to go with our family together in October (oh Lord, please allow that to happen). And planning with some friends, to go on a "mission trip" this time next year. October will be, Lord willing, after the major part of our build, and before the snow falls to make the snow removal business busy again. I have realized that my life will never just be mundane, and believe me i AM thankful - but sometimes it just doesn't seem like "normal" folks. However - I also realize if we were just always sitting at home doing nothing but watching t.v. we would just shrivel up and die! And, I am too young for that!
So, in the meantime, I will feel a little melancholy from time to time ~ and I will tell others that are going away, that I am jealous of them ~ and I will look forward to October and pray that our family get away happens ~ and work on getting this body healthier and happier so that I can actually feel good in that swim suit when it happens!! (yesterday I had my check in with Leya, and was down some poundage (WOOHOO!!!) - - which now makes it 11 lbs) And in between now and then (October) - there is the fullness of life!
The other day, as Leah and Everett and I were driving home from church (I went with Leah and Ev to their church) we stopped on the perimeter for a train. As the train whistled and blew - we talked about how "mournful" it sounds - this sad warning to all closeby. Next time you hear a train, just think of how it sounds. Very, very lonely, mournful, sad.
Life has those moments - and I am thankful that through each melancholy moments of a day - I can still talk about it, process it, and thank God that I am alive and well to welcome each day and live it to the fullest. (some days more full than others!)
I figure being melancholy once in a while is okay. I am glad that I am very "aware of" these days and work through the thoughts, and feelings. And, thoughts and visits with my little grandson definitely snap me back into the joy that fills these days and intertwines between the other melancholic and reflective moments. My little grandson Everett is now smiling alot. He is also beginning to "talk" a little here and there - you know, those beginning cooing noises, and little laughing sounds are beginning to happen. I love that when Josh and Leah nuzzle into his little face with kisses - he smiles. Or when they whistle a little tune - he smiles. And bottom line - this little guy brings this Granny great joy! SO - what are a few melancholy moments in the midst of the joy! Have a great day!