Tuesday, April 3

Forgiveness. Grace. & Love.

Today, early, my thoughts were turned toward Jesus.  This is "Passion Week".  I sat in a coffee shop at the Forks, and journalled.  It had been a while again.  Yesterday, some of the hurt/betrayal that Alvin and I experienced at one point in our journey - it resurfaced.  Just when I thought it was dead in the water.  There it was.  Upfront and Personal.  Close.  Choking.  Yesterday I heard him breathe the words to me:  Forgiveness.  Grace.   Timely words, being that I am only walking in "forgiveness and grace" because of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.


Today, as I sat there, and watched the sun shine on more and more as it got higher in the sky, thoughts came tumbling out.  I grabbed a pen.  Here they are..


Forgiveness
Grace
&
Love

With eyes shut
And body clenched
(as if that would help me to hear)
I can hear them
Screaming
Raising clenched fists high into the air
Answering:  "CRUCIFY HIM"
But faintly ...
as I struggle to hear about the din of my life
What is that?
Faintly I hear
"hosanna"
"blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord."
The sound
the praises
still reverberate off of the rocks
wilted and dried palm branches blow in the wind
And my heart
O Lord
My heart breaks.

Those that praised...
where have they gone?
What are they thinking now
O Lord, do I recognize those same faces in the crowd?

I yell
STOP IT
STOP
Why crucify the one whom you just praised?
What are you doing?
Don't you get it?
Are you so fickle?

O Lord have mercy.

Away with Him
Crucify Him
the din hurts my ears
The people
the hate
the anger
the condemnation
O Lord - what is that?  
Do I see someone in that crowd?
someone
who
resembles
me?

All of a sudden
the faces blur ~
the shouting
O the shouting ~ a conglomeration of voices ~
but there is also crying
I hear it 
faint but close
O Lord.
it is me!
IT 
IS
ME!

I realize that my voice may not have yelled crucify
But my sin
my shame
put Him on the cross.
My Sin
My Shame
PAST
PRESENT
FUTURE

I fall to my knees
in a crumpled mess
acknowledging what HE ...
this "Man of Sorrows"
this "Jesus"
MY Jesus ~ has done for me.
AND
I
WEEP.

And into the quietness of my own tears
I hear the words "HE HAS RISEN"
And I rise with great joy
knowing that He paid for my sin.
But nothing could keep him there
NOT THE CROSS
NOT THE GRAVE
NOT DEATH ~ He defeated it!
Magnificent Defeat!

And I bow
in praise
in adoration
in love
He has shown me the ultimate forgiveness
He has covered me with amazing grace
He has done for me - His ultimate expression of love.

Forgiveness
Grace
Love

Only Jesus!

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