There have been some thoughts in my head and heart lately. And, I have heard the verse, which is my favorite "life" verse - "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you - plans to give you a hope and a future. You will call on me and come and pray to me and I will listen. You will seek me and I will be found by you when you seek me with all your heart." (okay, I may have mixed up or forgotten some part. bit I think I have the main parts!)
In other words - GOD KNOWS the will for my life ~ and HE IS SOVEREIGN and NOTHING that happens is out of his will, or done for my harm. That is a big one, especially since there are times when I am wondering aloud "God, you really know what you are doing because I just don't get it!!"
Last nite Alvin and I along with two other couples, went to see the Hollywood movie SOUL SURFER which is the story of Beth Hamilton, who got her arm bit off by a shark while practicing in the ocean. You really should go and see it for yourself. Within the movie, the verse that I quote above - is also quoted. Bethany said at one point she wondered about what God was going to do with her life.
I am sure she is not the only one that has wondered that - or has asked God if He really knows what He is doing?
God himself knows that He heard a lot of my ranting and raving along those lines over the past 2.5 years or slightly more. I am so glad HE IS BIGGER than all my stuff! O Lord, thank-you!
This week I have had many mixed up thoughts again regarding God's plan and today as Alvin and I were driving home from the land - I voiced it. I think I started off by saying to him, "okay, I am going to say something and it will sound like I am a horrible person, I know that, but here it is ........................."
And with that I proceeded to tell him some of the deep thoughts I have been mulling around in regards to some emotions/some thoughts/some things that have arisen over this past week that takes me back to losing my firstborn grandson Jay....
Alvin and I were able to talk about it - and as usual with my man, he helps me sometimes "unpack" my thoughts and they usually don't look quite as ugly when he helps me work through them. God knows all about them, and really, I don't have to speak them out loud to anyone else - but often Alvin or others within my family, are really good sounding boards. I realize that sometimes I just have to call it for what it is. Doesn't always look pretty, but it always feels much better to speak it out loud!
So tonight I am thankful for many things ... but mostly for a Saviour who is bigger than my messy thoughts and also unconditionally loving! He does have HIS plan for ME!!! A plan to prosper me and NOT to harm me. A plan to give me a HOPE and a FUTURE!! Thank you Lord God!
God has me on a journey - and as I travel it, this blog reflects the thoughts and musings (and the odd butterfly) from the heart of a senior woman, who is learning how to love with all my being, live fully and with no regrets, embrace life with my husband,kids and grandkids, and to let God lead in the dance of life that He has me learning!
Saturday, April 30
Saturday, April 23
Easter Reflections
This past week has been a full one, and a good one. My thoughts were drawn to "Passion Week" beginning with the sermon Pastor Dave gave at Eastview Community Church last Sunday. It was based on Mark 10 from the section in verse 35 - 45 when Jesus talked with his disciples and He asked them "what do you want me to do for you?" and then the story about Blind Bart receiving his sight and Jesus asking him "What do you want me to do for you?" To which, if you read in chapter 10 verses 46-52 Bartimaeus replies "Rabbi, I want to see." Jesus says to him "Go, your faith has healed you!" (New International Version Bible)
This sermon moved me. I took notes as I normally do. What do I want Jesus to do for me? And is my faith so strong as blind Bart's? (or as strong as the woman who touched the hem of Jesus robe and was healed?) This was the beginning of my week. And the beginning of "Passion Week" which represents the week between Palm Sunday leading up to Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday!
Our church invited people to come and go through the reflective prayer stations they set up. On Monday I went. It was very quiet. I was alone and could spend as much time as I wanted. Part of the first station included time looking at prints on the wall of the foyer. They are absolutely beautiful - artist is J. Michael Belkin and the series is called Journey with the Messiah. You can google and see them. They are stunning. Monday was good - and I was glad to be able to take the time to go/sit/reflect/journal/pray.
Our care group from Eastview went on Thursday night and went through the reflection/prayer stations. I found out that each night had a different emphasis on the reflective components and the way the stations were set up. That way if you went one night - it would be different the next. Once again, I was blessed by it.
Yesterday Alvin and I went to the Good Friday service at Eastview. It was a combination of worship team/choir/drama and we were both greatly moved by various parts. I think the one line that struck me however was towards the end when he said "Jesus went to Hell for you so he wouldn't have to be in Heaven without you!" WOW.... powerful words. Powerful truth. Good Friday - the day that (almost 2000 years ago Jesus died on the cross for OUR (yours and mine - past, present and future) SINS. He conquered death - grabbing the keys out of Satan's hands! And tomorrow as we celebrate EASTER we celebrate the fact that HE HAS RISEN!!! Thank you JESUS!
I will go to church tomorrow - although I will go myself since Alvin has to work. Once again, I will be reminded of the most amazing thing ever done for me - what love Jesus had for US!!
WHAT A SAVIOR!!
Tomorrow a lot of the world will celebrate HIS RESURRECTION. It is my hope and prayer for you - that you will know JESUS and experience his amazing grace!!
As it says in John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that HE gave HIS ONE AND ONLY SON that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life!!"
This sermon moved me. I took notes as I normally do. What do I want Jesus to do for me? And is my faith so strong as blind Bart's? (or as strong as the woman who touched the hem of Jesus robe and was healed?) This was the beginning of my week. And the beginning of "Passion Week" which represents the week between Palm Sunday leading up to Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday!
Our church invited people to come and go through the reflective prayer stations they set up. On Monday I went. It was very quiet. I was alone and could spend as much time as I wanted. Part of the first station included time looking at prints on the wall of the foyer. They are absolutely beautiful - artist is J. Michael Belkin and the series is called Journey with the Messiah. You can google and see them. They are stunning. Monday was good - and I was glad to be able to take the time to go/sit/reflect/journal/pray.
Our care group from Eastview went on Thursday night and went through the reflection/prayer stations. I found out that each night had a different emphasis on the reflective components and the way the stations were set up. That way if you went one night - it would be different the next. Once again, I was blessed by it.
Yesterday Alvin and I went to the Good Friday service at Eastview. It was a combination of worship team/choir/drama and we were both greatly moved by various parts. I think the one line that struck me however was towards the end when he said "Jesus went to Hell for you so he wouldn't have to be in Heaven without you!" WOW.... powerful words. Powerful truth. Good Friday - the day that (almost 2000 years ago Jesus died on the cross for OUR (yours and mine - past, present and future) SINS. He conquered death - grabbing the keys out of Satan's hands! And tomorrow as we celebrate EASTER we celebrate the fact that HE HAS RISEN!!! Thank you JESUS!
I will go to church tomorrow - although I will go myself since Alvin has to work. Once again, I will be reminded of the most amazing thing ever done for me - what love Jesus had for US!!
WHAT A SAVIOR!!
Tomorrow a lot of the world will celebrate HIS RESURRECTION. It is my hope and prayer for you - that you will know JESUS and experience his amazing grace!!
As it says in John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that HE gave HIS ONE AND ONLY SON that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life!!"
Sunday, April 10
the week in retrospect
It is Sunday night. I dropped my sweet man off at the fire hall for his second of two night shifts. Last night he got no sleep. Tonight - time will tell. I am not spending some time sitting in the coffee shop, (you know which one) and taking advantage of the free wireless again. It is starting to get busier here - as it is now almost 7 pm. I have enjoyed a big mug of black coffee and tonight it is especially hard to not overhear conversations around me. You know - it is not as if I WANT to hear them - but they are just there...
It has been a while since I have blogged. It has been a hard week. Hard in an emotional way - as I have walked alongside of Alvin as he has processed some extremely hard HARD stuff from work. Stuff that warranted a text out to our close friends asking them to pray for strength. A week later, we see how the prayers and support of our friends have helped Alvin walk through the process of grieving (again).
Just not even a week prior I had coffee with my friend Josie - and shared with her some of the deep stuff on my heart - and as we talked over the hard things we have walked through - and the stresses of it all - I think my words to her were something like this "I sometimes wonder what next - and want to ask God - please God - nothing more - we can't take it." Hmmm....
I am reminded again of what the word says - and I do not have my bible here this time - but they are the words to this effect - that God give us what we need to stand up against whatever comes our way... when it comes He will see us through it." Honestly some times I just want to say - but God - what about her - what about him ... and sometimes when I say that to God - I even have someone in mind!!
WHY GOD does it seem _________ NEVER has anything happen - or anything hard - or anything to go through!!
But typical of God - MY Lord - and the Sovereign of my life ~ he gently reminds me not to compare my self to anyone else - but to just keep my eyes on him - and he will supply all I need! And he does. Only GOD.
I have seen God in many ways this week - through people, through circumstances - through the songs I hear outside our window at night as nature stays up! (Geese never seem to sleep). I have seen God through my little grandson Everett - who loves life!! He makes us smile with his dances!! I have seen God through the friends who asked "How is Alvin doing..." and "We are praying for you" .... how beautiful the "church" is when we are surrounded by those who love God and love us with His love!
I have seen God this week in some of the people I have processed through my work. I had one conversation with a guy who gave me a fridge magnet with a Bible verse on it. Over and over again, I am reminded that God is at work in my life, and in the lives of those around me! I am thankful.
This week I have worked with amazing co-workers. We have laughed together. I have had coffee with friends. I have had times with my family! (love that so much!) I have laughed with my husband and cried with him. It has been a week that is behind us - but one in which we have grown, and I am thankful.
What does the week ahead hold? Tomorrow night I finish up the last bible study at church with the other women. We have been studying a bible study by Beth Moore since the middle of January. It has been a blessing! It also means that I will going out of town for three days - on a mobile clinic. It will be the longest one so far. Alvin - he is hoping that they will move forward on the house build - and I have a feeling they will! Our little grandson and his mommy and daddy are heading to Mexico for the week, and we will miss them.
The week ahead is full - and it is my prayer that we will experience God in many ways along the way. Through people. Through places. Through nature. Through work. Through play. We do not know what the week holds, but one thing I am sure - is that I know WHO holds my week! It it my prayer that my life with hold the fragrance of Jesus as I interact with others. Lord, please give me the grace to do so! May your week hold blessings and surprises with each day too!
It has been a while since I have blogged. It has been a hard week. Hard in an emotional way - as I have walked alongside of Alvin as he has processed some extremely hard HARD stuff from work. Stuff that warranted a text out to our close friends asking them to pray for strength. A week later, we see how the prayers and support of our friends have helped Alvin walk through the process of grieving (again).
Just not even a week prior I had coffee with my friend Josie - and shared with her some of the deep stuff on my heart - and as we talked over the hard things we have walked through - and the stresses of it all - I think my words to her were something like this "I sometimes wonder what next - and want to ask God - please God - nothing more - we can't take it." Hmmm....
I am reminded again of what the word says - and I do not have my bible here this time - but they are the words to this effect - that God give us what we need to stand up against whatever comes our way... when it comes He will see us through it." Honestly some times I just want to say - but God - what about her - what about him ... and sometimes when I say that to God - I even have someone in mind!!
WHY GOD does it seem _________ NEVER has anything happen - or anything hard - or anything to go through!!
But typical of God - MY Lord - and the Sovereign of my life ~ he gently reminds me not to compare my self to anyone else - but to just keep my eyes on him - and he will supply all I need! And he does. Only GOD.
I have seen God in many ways this week - through people, through circumstances - through the songs I hear outside our window at night as nature stays up! (Geese never seem to sleep). I have seen God through my little grandson Everett - who loves life!! He makes us smile with his dances!! I have seen God through the friends who asked "How is Alvin doing..." and "We are praying for you" .... how beautiful the "church" is when we are surrounded by those who love God and love us with His love!
I have seen God this week in some of the people I have processed through my work. I had one conversation with a guy who gave me a fridge magnet with a Bible verse on it. Over and over again, I am reminded that God is at work in my life, and in the lives of those around me! I am thankful.
This week I have worked with amazing co-workers. We have laughed together. I have had coffee with friends. I have had times with my family! (love that so much!) I have laughed with my husband and cried with him. It has been a week that is behind us - but one in which we have grown, and I am thankful.
What does the week ahead hold? Tomorrow night I finish up the last bible study at church with the other women. We have been studying a bible study by Beth Moore since the middle of January. It has been a blessing! It also means that I will going out of town for three days - on a mobile clinic. It will be the longest one so far. Alvin - he is hoping that they will move forward on the house build - and I have a feeling they will! Our little grandson and his mommy and daddy are heading to Mexico for the week, and we will miss them.
The week ahead is full - and it is my prayer that we will experience God in many ways along the way. Through people. Through places. Through nature. Through work. Through play. We do not know what the week holds, but one thing I am sure - is that I know WHO holds my week! It it my prayer that my life with hold the fragrance of Jesus as I interact with others. Lord, please give me the grace to do so! May your week hold blessings and surprises with each day too!
Saturday, April 2
the simple things in life
"It seems we seldom allow ourselves time to enjoy the simple things in life: natural landscapes, great conversation, a comfortable chair, and time to savor that perfect cup of coffee...."
this quote was taken from my coffee cup at Mountain Bean
The simple things in life! Ahhh.... sometimes I wonder if I even KNOW what it means. Years ago our care group at the time, studied a book, which in turn prompted us to begin doing mission trips. I remember that when I came away from that trip - I wept. My heart was changed. Each time I do a mission trip - it is changed. But somehow - years later ~ I am still "seeking". What does it mean "the simple things in life". Somehow my life just gets cluttered up with stuff. It gets bogged down. It gets stifled. It gets messy. And I still - years and years later long for the simple things in life!
I think I do get it, albeit slowly. I am reading a book called A Thousand Gifts and I have to read and re-read the pages so that their essence soaks into my being. She encourages me to find the thanksgiving in each and every day - and find 1000 Gifts along the way. I have begun to record those a few at a time.
I long for the simple life - likely because my nature is one that can get going and caught up in people and places and things very easily. My walk through depression has taught me alot about saying no to things, and about taking time for my well-being, but I still tend to get moving like a runaway caboose.
And then I hear the simple things in life beckoning me to just curl up on the big old armchair, and to just sit... to just be. Ah... God is teaching this old gal, slowly but surely. I am so glad HE is so patient with me!
Today I noticed things like the way the river has broken up and has already risen ...
At night I hear the sound of the geese that are hanging out at the river. I love sleeping at mom k's condo with the windows open.
Today I noticed how the sun warmed my body - and truly felt like spring.
How the snow has made interesting shapes as the sun has been melting it slowly.
I am asking God to continue to open my eyes to the simple things - to the most beautiful things that I otherwise miss when I am so "busy" running here and there. Someone once said that "If the devil can't get you down, he will get you busy!" Yep, I agree.
God is showing me more - he is also "opening the eyes of my heart" to His voice, to his creation, to his presence. Ah, the simple things in life.... and by the way - they do seem to go well with a great cup of coffee too!
Wednesday, March 30
gifts from today
the crispness of the early morning
a good place to work out with other women to help start off my day
a "cat nap" that morphed into a nap three hours long (seems my body needed that)
a chat over a hair color and cut
good thinking time as I drove to Anola and back
a few minutes to window shop
a kiss from my husband
texts and conversations with my kids
a chance to babysit tonight
playtime with my grandson
the smell of his freshly shampooed hair
watching Elmo sing "Elmo's Song"
reading his bedtime book, singing a song, praying with him and tucking him into bed
but first getting a "kiss for granny" from my little one
coffee is on
smells good
time to catch up with my husband
these are just some of the gifts from today!
thank you Lord!
a good place to work out with other women to help start off my day
a "cat nap" that morphed into a nap three hours long (seems my body needed that)
a chat over a hair color and cut
good thinking time as I drove to Anola and back
a few minutes to window shop
a kiss from my husband
texts and conversations with my kids
a chance to babysit tonight
playtime with my grandson
the smell of his freshly shampooed hair
watching Elmo sing "Elmo's Song"
reading his bedtime book, singing a song, praying with him and tucking him into bed
but first getting a "kiss for granny" from my little one
coffee is on
smells good
time to catch up with my husband
these are just some of the gifts from today!
thank you Lord!
Friday, March 25
"too pooped to pop!"
Before I go into today's post - I want to say a huge thanks to my daughter Ashley - who put together my new "header" on my blog. The first picture is of Springfield Road - the one that I walked, talked, laughed, prayed, brainstormed and cried on as I walked both alone and with my family. The next picture is of our family - taken in Anola in fall of 09. The next one is of the altar that God urged me to build - to "give up" "Lay down" stones that I would then mark as steps of my journey. This altar was constructed the last fall that I lived in Anola - and many stones made up the same thing. It is my place of laying down my life in order to glorify my Lord!! The last picture - well - you know.... it is my little grandson Everett. I am a blessed Granny with two grandsons. Thanks Ashley for doing this for me since I am "challenged" on the computer!
We had a song that we taught kids in daycare - it was called "I'm too pooped to pop!" It went like this. We would tell the kids to get curled up like a little ball - or a little kernel of popcorn. We explained that when things got hot - they would sizzle and then begin to pop.
Well. Today is Friday and Baby, I am too pooped to pop! Today I feel like my years are catching up to me! (and yet I still think I am so young!) I have worked every day this week EXCEPT my baby girl's birthday. But that day was full too with many things including some shopping, Ash and I got our noses pierced together, and then we celebrated with a yummy steak dinner around the table at Josh, Leah and Everett's.
I made a resolve to get going on the re-commitment to eat healthy - and it has been a week!! YAHOO... usually I give in to the sugar craving right about day 3! (I am reading the book "Made to Crave" and it has really brought some light onto the situation regarding my struggle with weight!)
I joined a 30 day fitness challenge at Curves and have worked out regularly! Today I went home and changed after work - and was able to see Alvin and walk down with him as he was leaving on his night shift. I said "I am going to go to Curves now because if I don't go now - it just isn't going to happen!" So I went to Curves and "applied myself" to my work-out and was so glad with the results tonight.
I work tomorrow .... bright and early. And then, I will be able to "breathe easier" for a little while again. I love my job but this week - it was just a little much. I think that I need to NOT take every shift that people want to give away!
Anyhow - this has been a good week - and a week of deep thoughts, laughter, coffee shared with friends, and good times with family! Our little grandson Everett brought laughter and joy into our hearts as we watched him with the latest achievement ... now he "signs" PLEASE. And it is sooooo sweet. The other night I laughed as he ran to me, gave me a big kiss - ran and gave his mommy a big kiss, turned around and ran back to me and gave me another big kiss ... he did this about 3 times! It was also a week where we were able to meet with our YOUNG care group last Sunday (we love those "kids") and our NEW care group last night, as we gathered in the church kitchen and prepared a meal for Forward House. It was a great time together.
Weeks are full of all kinds of things - and I am so thankful that God gives me the senses to appreciate and enjoy life fully. But for today - I think I am just going to say - G'night. This gal is too pooped to pop and is going to make her way back to the condo! Thinking a movie and some supper are in order!
Night!
We had a song that we taught kids in daycare - it was called "I'm too pooped to pop!" It went like this. We would tell the kids to get curled up like a little ball - or a little kernel of popcorn. We explained that when things got hot - they would sizzle and then begin to pop.
Then we sang,
"I'm too pooped to pop, and I'm not lying.
I'm too pooped to pop and I'm just lying here frying.
The salt is ready and the butter is hot
But Baby I'm just too pooped to pop!"
(at this point each kid would scream "POP" and jump up!
Well. Today is Friday and Baby, I am too pooped to pop! Today I feel like my years are catching up to me! (and yet I still think I am so young!) I have worked every day this week EXCEPT my baby girl's birthday. But that day was full too with many things including some shopping, Ash and I got our noses pierced together, and then we celebrated with a yummy steak dinner around the table at Josh, Leah and Everett's.
I made a resolve to get going on the re-commitment to eat healthy - and it has been a week!! YAHOO... usually I give in to the sugar craving right about day 3! (I am reading the book "Made to Crave" and it has really brought some light onto the situation regarding my struggle with weight!)
I joined a 30 day fitness challenge at Curves and have worked out regularly! Today I went home and changed after work - and was able to see Alvin and walk down with him as he was leaving on his night shift. I said "I am going to go to Curves now because if I don't go now - it just isn't going to happen!" So I went to Curves and "applied myself" to my work-out and was so glad with the results tonight.
I work tomorrow .... bright and early. And then, I will be able to "breathe easier" for a little while again. I love my job but this week - it was just a little much. I think that I need to NOT take every shift that people want to give away!
Anyhow - this has been a good week - and a week of deep thoughts, laughter, coffee shared with friends, and good times with family! Our little grandson Everett brought laughter and joy into our hearts as we watched him with the latest achievement ... now he "signs" PLEASE. And it is sooooo sweet. The other night I laughed as he ran to me, gave me a big kiss - ran and gave his mommy a big kiss, turned around and ran back to me and gave me another big kiss ... he did this about 3 times! It was also a week where we were able to meet with our YOUNG care group last Sunday (we love those "kids") and our NEW care group last night, as we gathered in the church kitchen and prepared a meal for Forward House. It was a great time together.
Weeks are full of all kinds of things - and I am so thankful that God gives me the senses to appreciate and enjoy life fully. But for today - I think I am just going to say - G'night. This gal is too pooped to pop and is going to make her way back to the condo! Thinking a movie and some supper are in order!
Night!
Wednesday, March 23
how can it be ~ my "baby" turns 26 today
Happy Birthday Ashley Marie!
Twenty-six years ago - my baby girl was born at 4:20 pm. She made her way into the world (almost beating her dad her was parking the car!) Exactly 30 minutes after I got in the front doors of St. Boniface Hospital, they broke my water and the resident intern delivered our little pumpkin who wasted NO TIME coming into the world to meet her dad and I. (Yes, he did make it in time - barely... )
Our daughter - Ashley Marie. When I was pregnant with her - it was the times where you did not get an ultrasound unless there were some complications. I had a "GP" ~ no midwives, no doulas, no obgyn, just the plain old general practitioner! And I may add - no drugs - completely natural childbirth!
I was expecting for the second time, and big brother Josh was so excited. When Josh was born we had only ONE name - and it was the one he was given. When Ashley was born - we had only ONE name and it was the one she was given. With both babies - we were so sure that we would have the sex of the child that matched the name we had chosen. God did not disappoint us in that regard - and with a daughter, her truly gave us the desire of our hearts to round out our family. We knew we desired two children.
It seems yesterday in some ways - and raising our daughter was a wonderful experience. Yes, we noticed early on - that she had what we refer to as the "Klassen strong-will" although I think that honestly, she came by that from both sides the THOMAS side too! I have watched her grow and realize how much she is like me - and how much she is like her dad! Early in life - she had him head over heels in love with his girl. Funny how that works - out comes the little ones and the parents are completely smitten!
Ashley loved to be with "JOSHIE" ... she is the only one that could actually call him that and get away with that although Grandma K. tried! She would do almost anything he told her to do - and she loved to be with him in all his antics. She laughed at his jokes, and tried to make her own - often saying "how come everyone laughs and Josh and no ones laughs at my jokes!" She makes us laugh alot now. From the time she just began to count - she thought the number 5 was HUGE and would always tell me - I LOVE YOU 5! We still say that!
I love the gifting I see in my sweet girl. I love that she is passionate about Jesus. I love that she is able to express herself and share and touch lives. I love that she has a strong sense of what she wants to do and goes after it. She loves her friends - and she loves her family. She is an auntie SECOND TO NONE!! She has creativity and talent unlimited in many areas of her life. I know that she is also one who gives and gives. She is loyal to her friends and family - and easily and quickly forgives. She loves deeply ~ her sweet husband, and us - and her friends.
I am often challenged by her words and thoughts ~
often moved by her writings and her songs ~
I am wrapped and covered in her love, her forgiveness and her grace
I am her mom, and I thank God for that privilege, that responsibility, that gift of a sweet daughter entrusted to me years ago!
We have called her many nicknames since she was a baby...
Pumpkin, Pumpy, Ash, Ashes (and many more that her dad has)
But most of all - I call her my baby girl - my daughter, my friend
My sweet sweet daughter.
Sweet One - I love you to the moon and back.
I love you 5555555555555555555555555555
Happy Birthday Sweet One!
love mom
xoxoxoxoxo
5555555555555555555555555555555555 and even more!
ps if I could I would post some pictures of Ashley Marie
but as I am doing this on the free internet at Mountain Bean - it does not allow me to
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