Saturday, August 1

17 again...

Tonight Leah and I decided to go out since we were home alone (in our respective homes) and the guys were at work. Ash and Mike are away at an extended family gathering. So Leah and I decided to go to supper and a movie. We decided to see a movie that Leah had actually seen, but thought worthy to see again. We had two choices but decided on the "funny" movie over the "sad" one. Seems we have already done so much crying, it was time for something to make us laugh.

So we decided to go to the cheap seats, and see "17". It was good. About a couple in their 40's whose marriage was on the rocks (divorce pending) because he kept blaming his wife for his choices as a young man. He, as a young 17 year old, decided to run out of a championship basketball game (where the scouts were watching him) to chase after his girlfriend (who was also pregnant with his child). He of course did not get the scholarship, and got married and had two kids, and a life that he thought had missed out on and blamed his wife for it. Anyhow,he gets a chance to be 17 again (although everyone else remains the same ages) .... I won't tell you the rest, you will have to go for yourself - but it has a happy ending. It is a clean movie really, and those are hard to come by. It was a feel good movie, which Leah and I both were wanting tonight.

So, it has made me think of when I was 17 - which some days, seems a long time ago!
At the age of 17, I had already been dating Alvin for almost a year! We met the first day of school (MBCI) grade 11 - and I was just a couple months over 16. We began dating (or in my days you used to call it "going steady") Alvin and I dated for almost 4 years, and got married at 20. And we haven't looked back since. Now, almost 31 years later - we thank God for the life He has blessed us with - for our children (2 biological, plus 2 through marriage) and for our little Jay who made us Granny and Poppa. We thank God for our extended families who love and support us - for our many friends who love us, pray for us and make us laugh! For the blessings God has given to us, in the form of our homes, our jobs, and many other blessings too numerous to count. We celebrate our anniversary in September - 31 years, on top of the almost 4 that we had dated - and that is a huge chunk of our lives.

My husband - he continues to love me, support me, and make me laugh. I think if there is something that has gotten us through life - it is the fact that as a family - we love to laugh together - and there is a strong sense of humor streak that runs through ---

Would I go back to being 17 - no. It was a good time - but my life just gets better and better with each year that I grow older - God continues to teach me so much and He continues to show me how much he loves me!!

I have been doing a book called "A CALL TO DIE - 40 days of fasting from the world and feasting on God"... and today I was reading about how our walk is represented by the acronym MAP.
First of all - God is a mystery to us. Boy do I know that - in fact, how often have we said about Jay - that why his little heart stopped, and God took him home before he breathed a breath - is a MYSTERY only God understands.

Our life with God is an ADVENTURE! I would be the first to say a huge amen to that.
My seatbelt is continually fastened! I feel like I am sitting on the edge of my seat waiting. Yesterday I was visiting the staff at Friends Funeral Home and they were asking me about the Vision, and leaving paid ministry, being without a job, etc... and whether I was scared or worried. I said no. I actually love the adventure that God is taking me on - and can hardly wait to see it unfold.

Our life with God is about PASSION for Jesus. Oh Jesus - I love you - and I just really want to fall more and more in love with you - enlarge my heart and passion for you, Jesus, lover of my soul.

When I was journaling about this, I remembered a time when I was asking the Lord to show me how to love him more. At that time, I had a dream. In my dream, I was in a house, on a bunk bed, and I was told that someone was there to see me. In walked the most handsome man, and came up to me, and called me by my name. I walked with him, and he put his arm around me, and told me he loved me. In my dream I asked him how he could love me when he didn't know me, to which he replied, "I just do."
The dream I had made me really ponder what it was all about. I realized it was not about a mystery man, nor was it about my husband but I felt it was a dream that God used to show me how much I am loved by the great BRIDEGROOM - Jesus.
This dream will always mean that for me.

When I look back at being 17 - I realize I loved the Lord, but now - I LOVE LOVE LOVE Him with a more mature and deeper love and understanding and passion. I can't quite explain it - and words don't do it justice. I just know that my passion and love for Jesus is far deeper at age 51 than it was at 17. Life has made it deeper - especially this past year. I know that without a doubt.

As I was thinking of this, this morning, the line from a song we sing at church, crossed my mind -
"Jesus, lover of my soul... Jesus, you will never let me go."

Oh Lord God - thank you - that you love me so much, that you remain a mystery than I will never understand, but will trust. Tha you also make my life with you and adventure - you are making this "lover of safety" live life FULLY - wow....thank you.
And Lord God - for the love and passion you have given me for you Jesus - thank you.

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