Wednesday, October 6

glory bound....

Today was a pretty overwhelming day for Mom. I got there and began to visit a little - Mom was laying in her bed - when the aide came in to tell us that they would be moving Mom from her PRIVATE room to a SEMI-PRIVATE one. So I began to pack up her stuff to move, when two aunts came to visit. These aunts are as close as sisters to Mom (Aunt Elvira and Aunt Tamara) and it was good to see them. They always bring joy to Mom. Just as they sat down to visit, in came the HOME CARE CONSULTANT to talk with Mom and I about sending her home. So, we had that talk. She mentioned words like: Palliative Care and End of Life. Now, we know how sick Mom is.... and we have talked often about Heaven. But somehow I think Mom is still thinking that "if I eat I will get stronger" or "when I get home I will get stronger" so, all of a sudden to hear the words END OF LIFE... well, it felt like the air was sucked out of the room.

With the consultant finished, she left and on her heels was the aides - to move Mom. Now, it was not a SEMI PRIVATE but a 4-bed room that she would move to - actually the room she had just previous to the PRIVATE room she was currently in. Mom at least was glad to be back with some of her old room-mates.

So there we were - the aides took the bed (with Mom reclining in it) and Aunt Tamara, and Aunt Elvira and I took her night table, and her walker, and her table that she eat on, and her clothes, and pictures (of family) and anything else that belonged to Mom. We made the trip to the new (old) room, and set up. It was at this point that I realized how overwhelmed this morning had been for Mom. I said to her something about all this moving being hard on her to which she replied, "I only want to move one more time, and that's to Heaven."

Later, when she had eaten, I talked with her and asked her how she was doing and her comment about one more move - to heaven. Mom just said that it is so emotional. I knew that. I wish I could spare her from all these moves. I wish I could take away any anxiety. I can not imagine how it must feel to know every day could be the last. Seems to me that being overwhelmed, or being anxious, or being emotional would be just the tip of the iceberg.

As Mom and I have talked before - going home to heaven is still alot of "unknowns" because there is no one we can ask about how the transition is made, etc. HOWEVER we know that Jesus said to the one thief on the cross who said he believed - that "today you will be with me"...

But still.... it must be hard to think of saying good-bye to those you love - and try to comprehend how being "glory bound" would feel.

Tonight Alvin told me to listen to a song by the Wailin' Jennys.... called Glory Bound. It is beautiful. Here are the words:

Glory Bound

When I hear that trumpet sound
I will lay my burdens down
I will lay them deep into the ground
Then I'll know that I am glory bound

I'll be travelling far from home
But I won't be looking for to roam
I'll be crossing o'er the great divide
In a better home soon I will reside


When I'm in my resting place
I'll look on my mother's face
Never more will I have to know
All the loneliness that plagues me so

So I'm waiting for that train to come
And I know where she's coming from
Listen can you hear her on the track
When I board I won't be looking back


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