Mom and Omi - taken when Mom was 13
That was the question I was asked tonight.... and well, that's a loaded question!
Right now - at slightly after 2:30 a.m., I am sitting here with terrible heartburn (trying to remember the cure I read in a magazine!) and drinking milk (which they say doesn't help but it seems to) and chowing down on antacids that foam in my mouth and supposedly make a coating!
You know, as I was eating the chinese food I KNEW this would be my issue...
so WHY did I eat it? especially since it was about 8:30 pm and I have decided NOT to eat after 7. (seemed like a good idea at the time I guess!)
When my friend asked me the question.... I think my answer via text was: tired... weepy... emotional. (pathetic, I can't remember if it was "weepy" or something else) But overall you get my drift.
Mom and I talked again tonight. You see the Doctor wants to discharge mom. To (as she told me in private) allow Mom to go home to die. Now if you can't imagine, I will tell you - our hearts are FULL of thoughts on this... but really, after visiting Mom today (well yesterday, since today is already Sunday) I don't think that will be a reality.
Today, after Mom ate her supper (if you can call two bites supper) she was sitting there with her thoughts. She has been "in thought" alot since Thursday. She is worrying about going home, even though on Thursday the thought excited her! Tonight I said, "Mom, how is your soul doing....." Mom and I have had these heart to hearts, and she knew what I meant. Her eyes welled up with tears that overflowed down onto her cheeks...
Mine overflowed as well. She shared that she is feeling exhausted lately. That she eats and then has no energy. That she thinks the cancer is out of control in her body. That God knows her end, but she thinks it is soon. We talked again about going home to Heaven. About being with those who have gone "home" before her. About seeing her husband again, and about seeing our Jay for the first time, and being reunited with those she has loved and have gone ahead of her...
We talked about saying good-bye but only for a while. Our tears were soaked up with our kleenex, and we held hands. Moments that will be forever seared into my heart, and for which I thank God. Then shortly after Mom returned to her bed, tired and thankful to rest!
I shut the door of her room for some quietness. She slept... I read. I imagined when we begin to stay there round the clock. And somehow I don't think those times are too far away.
And while the question to me was a loaded one (how are you doing?) I honestly am "okay"with the answer.
Yes, I am tired. I am weepy and I am emotional. But really, if I wasn't - that would be a bigger question!
I am about to say good-bye to a Mom who I love so much. She has been in my life for 36 years (since I started dating Alvin!) She has been my mom almost as long as my mom had before she died in 96 when I was almost 38. I don't take our relationship for granted... but instead thank God for her.
I have to tell you about her. She almost died many times. The things she experienced as a child, including saying good-bye to her dad (in Russia) when they came and took him away and killed him... she remembers that night. She was 6 years old. Mom had typhoid as a child. In fact, we came across her baby picture the other day, and she explained that she was so sick that they took a picture thinking that she may die! When she was able to come to Canada - it was only by the grace of God! She was turned away once briefly as they noticed a shadow on her lungs... and then later came her and Omi the go-ahead to come to Canada. However within short time - she was diagnosed with TB and sent to the sanitorium in Ninette to get better. Mom Klassen - is a fighter. God knows all that. I just also think that the fight is almost over.
Tonight as we talked, I talked to her about knowing that her life counted for Jesus. That she has lived what she believed. Her walk and her talk have been consistent. That Mom has almost "finished the race... fought the good fight..." As I kissed her good-bye and walked to the car - it just felt like the days are numbered closer. But only God knows those days. And me - well, I am just going to cherish each one! O Lord, teach me to number my days...
Another song just ran across and though my thoughts... an oldie. Here is a You Tube - with one of my favorite singers David Phelps, singing What a Day that Will Be! This clip is recorded by someone when they saw him singing... hope you enjoy. At this time of morning - I was blessed!